Solo "Couples" Therapy

Research strongly suggests that, when a person in a valued romantic relationship enters individual psychotherapy, that relationship is more likely to end than if therapy had not been sought. And yet, there are times when couples therapy is not the appropriate method. There are other times when couples therapy would be desirable but one of the partners is unwilling or unable to participate.

At those times, it is highly recommended that the individual seek a therapist who is aware of the documented research on the dangers of individual therapy to a relationship. Also, it is highly recommended that the therapist be well trained in teaching the client how to positively impact the absent partner.

With such a background, the therapist will assist the client in mastering the skills to respectfully invite the absent partner into deeper levels of intimacy and joy in their relationship.

It is preferable that your partner actively participate in learning these skills with you from the beginning. However, you can learn how to respectfully invite your partner into deeper levels of emotional intimacy by learning these skills initially by yourself. While these skills can be learned with Dr. Becker in private sessions,one powerful and cost effective way to learn these skills in a small group program. Through engaged participation in the group you can develop both the deep inner strength, as well as the skills to: Regularly volunteer your true experiences about yourself, life concerns, and feelings about your romantic partner whether pleasant or unpleasant, welcomed or not. Encourage honesty and openness in others, including your romantic partner. Voice frustrations/discontents in a way that supports your partner in feeling safe and empathic. Readily translate your frustrations into requests for specific behaviors you'd like from your partner. Respectfully set strong boundaries, saying "no" when you need to and to mean it. Confidently self disclose hopes, fears, appreciations, resentments and confusions. Constructively respond to dismissive, shaming, critical or disdainfull remarks. Aree without feeling swallowed upp. Disagree without disabling fear. Listen deeply, even under conditions of emotional challenge. Richly acknowledge the logic or reasonableness of opinions when it involves points of view you don't agree with or even when it involves complaints about you....without fear of losing your view or yourself! Comfortably be emotionally open to people expressing strong feeling, including anger toward you. Affirm yourself and feel the truth of others' appreciations of you. Be yourself... "comfortable in your own skin." Continue to honor your life purpose and take action steps toward making your ideal life vision a reality whether with or without a romantic partner. Everybody has relationship skillss. An infant already know how to charm us with his or her smile. Many of us learned early how to please the teacher or to lead the team. Later we learned to :close the deal" if we were in sales or to listen empathically if we were in helping professions. But few of us have mastered the breadth and depth of skills that are so very important in navigating the ever-changing waters of a long-term soulmate relationship. Everybody has relationship skillss. An infant already know how to charm us with his or her smile. Many of us learned early how to please the teacher or to lead the team. Later we learned to :close the deal" if we were in sales or to listen empathically if we were in helping professions. But few of us have mastered the breadth and depth of skills that are so very important in navigating the ever-changing waters of a long-term soulmate relationship. Everybody has relationship skillss. An infant already know how to charm us with his or her smile. Many of us learned early how to please the teacher or to lead the team. Later we learned to :close the deal" if we were in sales or to listen empathically if we were in helping professions. But few of us have mastered the breadth and depth of skills that are so very important in navigating the ever-changing waters of a long-term soulmate relationship. Everybody has relationship skillss. An infant already know how to charm us with his or her smile. Many of us learned early how to please the teacher or to lead the team. Later we learned to :close the deal" if we were in sales or to listen empathically if we were in helping professions. But few of us have mastered the breadth and depth of skills that are so very important in navigating the ever-changing waters of a long-term soulmate relationship. Everybody has relationship skillss. An infant already know how to charm us with his or her smile. Many of us learned early how to please the teacher or to lead the team. Later we learned to :close the deal" if we were in sales or to listen empathically if we were in helping professions. But few of us have mastered the breadth and depth of skills that are so very important in navigating the ever-changing waters of a long-term soulmate relationship. In fact, most, if not all of us, need to do some systematic "unlearning" of over-developed skills. Some of us have overused and therefore need to "unlearn" some of our pleasing 'skills", some of us our hiding "skills", some of us our criticizing or dominating "skills", some of us our welcoming "skills", and some of us our excluding "skills." Others of us have only partially grasped the importance of consistent spiritual, pshysical and emotional self care, and how self- care is relatied to attracting or nurturing the relationship of our dreams. Most of us need to learn how to excavate layers of negative self-talk and distortions about what humility really means before we can validate, let alone feel, the truth of others' appreciations of us (their statements about our "lovableness", our beauty, our courage, etc.) The group is a most powerful process to learn to give and receive love, as well as to learn how to deal with differences in a safe, respectful and creative way.